As of our last adventure, the PCs were heading deep into the badlands, in search of a legendary magical artifact known as the Libram of the 10 spheres. This book had the power to open access to any of the higher planes, including the Crown of Creation where (it is assumed) G.O.D. is being kept in seclusion by the insane wizard/daemon Nikos. They were told about this by the daemon Sezrekhan, who has geased Bill the Elf into finding it, but of course both Ack'Basha the Cleric and BOLT-0 the robot want it for themselves.
So the PCs have made it to about a day away from the supposed location of the Libram; together with BOLT-0, Zeke Bodean the Scriptural Archeologist, 9 Dutch Crossbowmen, and a handful of zombies created by Ack'Basha.
-Bill the Elf wakes up and goes around the corner to take a wee; the rest of the PCs hear weird TARDIS sounds and when they check it out he's vanished.
-"The Part of Bill the Elf will be played tonight by Sir Not-Appearing-in-this-Film"
-Bill the Elf is away vacationing in Switzerland; no doubt this will go over very well with Sezrekhan.
"Bill went out to pee."
"But where is he?"
"We could ask Swengi.. he might know because he likes to watch all of you while you pee, isn't that weird?"
-"Where were we going again? Minotauria?"
"MINOTAURIA IS NOT A REAL PLACE! IT DOES NOT EXIST!"
"Hey, it's a big world, I can dream can't I?"
-"Now with Bill missing, this is the perfect time to get the Libram!"
"BOLT-0 AGREES WITH ACK'BASHA! THOUGH BOLT-0 FINDS AGREEING WITH ACK'BASHA SLIGHTLY DISTURBING!"
-Suddenly there's a flash of light, and an enraged minotaur appears, reminding the PCs that they're still suffering from mysterious minotaur attacks.
"Hey guys, it's minotaur time!"
-"I cast Ekim's Mystical Mask"
"Why?! Why would anyone ever do that??"
-"The Minotaur attacks Chu"
"Chu are being attacked!"
"It'll probably keep attacking Chu..."
-The minotaur defeated, the PCs continue along the badlands, making their way up a ridge, where they run into a goblin scouting party.
They quickly dispatch the cowardly humanoids, and loot the bodies.
"I have found a Tablet, no doubt it was sent by G.O.D. and will prove useful to our quest, my friends"
"You really aren't very familiar with G.O.D., are you Zeke?"
"BOLT-O DOES BELIEVE THE TABLET IS MORE LIKELY TO PROVE USEFUL IN THE FUTURE THAN ZEKE BODEAN"
-"There's a lot of goblins up here.."
"Sure, but Ack'basha committed genocide on a whole town of goblins the last time we were in these parts"
"Yeah.. those were good times."
-Just as the PCs find the main goblin tribe, and have almost 300 goblins rushing at them, they see a flash of light and have 2 furious minotaurs attacking them from the other side!
-Zeke manages to drop one of the minotaurs with a lucky crossbow bolt!
"I hit! G.O.D. did that! If I had missed it would have been my own fault, of course"
-the goblins are dispatched when Ack'basha uses Divine Aid to make one of the minotaurs highly explosive and send it charging at the goblin horde.
-The second minotaur gets stopped by Ack'basha's Lotus Gaze, and is now the cleric's enchanted slave.
"So now Ack'basha not only has zombies, he has a Hypnotaur."
-The deceased minotaur was a somewhat unusual specimen; he was dressed in a lab coat, and had an ID badge identifying him as "Dr. Jim Minotaur" from the Tholos General Hospital.
-The PCs step through a hallucinatory terrain effect, and end up right in front of a semi-ruined tower, with a distinctive blue color they'd only seen before in the Azure order.
"BOLT-0 THEORIZES THIS MAY HAVE BEEN CREATED AND HIDDEN BY THE AZURE ORDER IN ORDER TO KEEP THE LIBRAM OUT OF THE WRONG HANDS"
"fuck them, then!"
"YES, FUCK THEM!"
-Chu to Ack'Basha: "Is it really a good idea to let Bolt-0 have the book?"
"I'm not planning to let Bolt-0 have the book."
Chu to Bolt-0: "Is it really a good idea to let Ack'basha have the book??"
"I'M NOT PLANNING TO LET ACK'BASHA HAVE THE BOOK... I WAS INTENDING TO WHISPER BUT CANNOT CONTROL THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE, ALL BUT CHU SHOULD IGNORE WHAT I JUST SAID!"
-The Fishman goes for a swim in the lake. He's fine, and finds nothing dangerous inside, but gets a very strange sort of electric feeling as he swims through it.
"you guys, there's something really weird about that lake"
"What, like Dutch-weird?"
-a Detect Magic spell is of little use, when it shows that the entire tower and the entire lake are magical.
-Second Sight also reveals that the Libram both is and is not inside the tower.
-The PCs become magical too, as they start going into the tower, but then some become unmagical when they go the wrong way, revealing that there seems to be a kind of code to making one's way through the tower.
-The tower is also infested by giant seagulls and giant fruit flies, which prove to be a bit of a problem, combined with another Minotaur manifestation.
-"I'm going to cast Ekim's Mystical Mask... stop laughing at me!!"
"I never thought we'd think back fondly at Ropework as being a competent wizard..."
-"Do not encourage the dutchmen! We have enough problems as it is!"
-"I'm going to cast Enlarge on Ack'basha... so he's a bigger target"
-"It is nice to have a non-Bill wizard around.."
"Yeah, it'll be great when we find one."
-Moving deeper into the tower, the PCs start to realize it is full of twisted dimensional pockets and weird effects. But nothing as weird as when they find a group of Water Weirds in a weird fountain.
-The Dutchmen are starting to think that this tower may be a bit too weird, even for them.
-As if the nearly-indestructible Water Weirds aren't bad enough, another minotaur pops in!
-Dutchmen are drowning in droves, and the rest of the party is freaking out. All except the fishman, who realizes that the Weirds are only able to do drowning damage, which he's immune to.
-Chu decides it's time to run away. Or rather, walk away, leaving the party to their doom. But he changes his mind and comes back when he hears BOLT-0 is taking massive damage at the hands of the minotaur!
"What do you know? It turns out BOLT-0 is the one guy in the party I give a fuck about... I'm as shocked as anyone!"
-Zeke gets caught by a Water Weird, and is starting to drown!
Fishman: "Please.. oh please..."
But he escapes it's clutches! "Praise G.O.D.! He has saved me again!"
Fishman: "Son of a bitch!"
-Chu comes back, but too late! He arrives just in time to see BOLT-0 viciously struck down!
-The party finally kills the minotaur, and banishes the last of the water weirds, but are shocked to find that BOLT-0 appears to have been damaged beyond repair by the minotaur's attack.
-Suddenly, a light floods the room from the tower window, and the PCs hear the strange TARDIS-like sounds again. The next thing they know, they are all (including Zeke and BOLT-0's robot-corpse, but not including the Dutchmen or Ack'basha's zombies) on board a strange high-tech ship, being greated by a small t-rex in a top hat!
"It's the Time Dinosaurs!"
-For reasons unknown (because the time dinosaurs can't speak Common, only make dinosaur noises) they are taking the entire group through time, and when the dinosaur time vessel emerges from the dinosaur time-stream, they find themselves in the middle of a titanic battle between an army of horrific monstrosities on one side, and guys in ultra-advanced power armor on the other. The PCs realize that for whatever reason, the Time Dinosaurs have sent them back in time, to the era of the Pythian Knights!
And on that bombshell, we leave you for this session. Stay tuned in a couple of weeks to find out what happens.
Currently Smoking: Masonic Meerschaum + Image Virginia