So, my general health tests are in! Let's see how we did, shall we? Given that this year I had the particular joy of having certain online Swine literally wishing-me-cancer, I felt you may all want to know just how healthy the Pundit is (or isn't)!
And the results are: in spite of my ceaselessly advancing age (funny how its always doing that), the fact that I have no dieting regime whatsoever, and eat whatever the fuck I like, with lots of fat, sugar, fried foods, relatively few vegetables, lots of carbs, and lots and lots of delicious red meat... despite the fact that I sleep maybe 5 hours a night and often work 16 hour days... despite the fact that I do almost no meaningful exercise and lead a largely sedentary lifestyle... despite the fact that I drink (though not heavily).. despite the fact that I down massive amounts of coffee... and despite the fact that I smoke 4-6 pipes a day...
..I am the very fucking picture of health.
My blood sugar? Its fucking awesome. Its actually LOWER than it was 3 years ago (last time it was checked) and not just a little lower, like 20 points lower, in spite of no effort on my part in that time. I went from being "slightly above average" in that category to being very well inside the healthy range.
That's right, motherfuckers, all this is actually making me STRONGER.
Blood? Fine; my earlier mild anemia has again vanished.
Cholesterol? The "bad" cholesterol is very low; the "good" cholesterol is also slightly low: time to slather extra-virgin olive oil on everything.
Prostate? Just dandy.
So there you have it: and to all you suckers who've been relying on diet (fad or otherwise), exercise, or worse, you fucking traitors to your higher self who have actually let your pathetic thanatophobia convince you to forever abandon doing something you love to do (whatever that something is, from cake to coke to the other coke to cock to chocolate and anything in between), suck it.
And worse still, the the prudes and life-denying puritans who had the gall to try to get ME to betray my true Will in this time: FUCK YOU. Suck my nearly-sugar-free cock.
Now, of course, I'm going to die. Everyone is. I might live to see my eleventy-first birthday (all signs are good so far!) or I might die tomorrow from something my medical couldn't detect. The difference between you guys and myself? I'll have lived.
I do in fact do some healthy things: I do what I love. I work 16 hour days, at a job I love that I feel passionate about. I meditate a lot; which doesn't mean you should do that: I think anyone who practices meditation because they're afraid of dying and have read that if you meditate you might live longer will get nothing out of it, probably not even a longer lifespan. But I might; because I actually love meditation and am not doing it to try to run away from death.
I drink loads of yerba-mate, and green tea, and vietnamese coffee, turkish coffee, italian coffee, uruguayan coffe and any other decent coffee I can think of. Whether or not you think yerba-mate provides 'miraculous vitamin content' or not, these things I think are healthy because I love them too.
And I love the ritual of smoking my pipes; and even if there is some chance that it may be what kills me in the end, its still healthy now, because its what I love.
That's the only real solution: Live as much as you possibly can, until you're totally dead.
Do it enough, and you won't fear death anymore, because you'll have lived.
Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Horn + Gawith Navy Flake
(+ a pint glass of Vietnamese Iced Coffee)
(+ two thermos' worth of yerba mate)